So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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