Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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