He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
