So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
