Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
