I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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