dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
