she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
