oh god the rape fog is back!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
