so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
