So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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