Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
