Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
