it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've blown a few things in my day
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
