11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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