I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I AM VODKA MAN
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize