i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
