were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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