Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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