The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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