I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
