I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
