trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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