I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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