He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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