I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize