chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
