when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
