My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
