You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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