the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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