Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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