He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize