I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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