sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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