Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
two words: eviction party
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
