I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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