God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
