Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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