The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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