I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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