I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
