I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
