Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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