I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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