that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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