So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
