Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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