you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
