I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
