Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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