sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
