I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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