kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
