puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
