You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
