my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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