I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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