I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
