i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
