dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
