you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well you can't waste a boner
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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