Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
