Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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