My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
