In the future we'll all be gay
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
