tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize