Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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