there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
