note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
