you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
