One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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