i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
