Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize