I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
