And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
