I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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