stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize