Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
