Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
