I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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