I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
