Someone shit on the floor
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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