i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
