oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
im on a boat
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