Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
