I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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