I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
