I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
