Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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