mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
