Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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