My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
