so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
